Her Majesty's Clockwork Watch Needs You!
Sponsored by Her Majesty's Department for the Advancement of Sciences
Sponsored by Her Majesty's Department for the Advancement of Sciences
The government has won a battle to introduce new laws controlling the use of Clockwork labour. It comes after Ministers finally admitted that there's no record of how many of the devices have been imported and are working in factories across the country.
Parliament was split over plans to reinstate the British Clockwork Project abandoned years ago following strikes by trade unions, or to take control of a British-owned, Canadian company producing the devices.
Public protest have forced the government's hand after several sectors of British industry replaced entire workforce with new Clockwork labour.
The devices, created by exiled British scientists, are being exported to countries around the world. Once programmed, Clockworks adapt and learn to deal with almost any task, which makes them the ideal low-cost alternative to human staff.
Many believe that the legislation has come too late to save many British jobs, and that government plans to restart the Clockwork Programme shows how out of touch it is with public opinion.
The following legislation takes immediate effect:
Under the new laws all Clockworks imported into the country must be registered, but existing devices are exempt, and owners must carry proof of ownership of a Clockwork at all times, if travelling with a device in public.
A distinctive black uniform has also been designed to help differentiate between people, and the newer model of Clockworks that could be mistaken for a real person.
A delegation of industrialists is heading to India on a big trade mission that some believe will help kick start the British economy.
It will be the largest business delegation that this country has ever taken abroad.
Many of the industrialists joining the trip were cautiously optimistic, saying they were starting from a pretty low base, as other European countries such as Belgium trade more with India than we do.
It is hoped that India will open its markets up to greater foreign trade, particularly in the manufacturing sectors like steel and mechanics, as well as the brewing industry.
Representatives from the East India Company hope the trip will open up new avenues of trade, especially through the purchase of items such as food, tea, jute and rubber, which are much needed as a result of the current economic and environmental climate.
Clockworks are here! A special investigation by this newspaper has unearthed disturbing news of the existence of at least one fully functional Clockwork automata here in London. The device is similar to the 'Artificial Adam' model designed by the Department for the Advancement of Sciences several years ago.
It is not known how it got into the country or who it belongs to, but government sources claim it was not developed here. The automata was first spotted by someone during a disturbance in London's East End, an area currently designated a no-go zone by the authorities.
Sources close to the government claim that a Clockwork Ownership Bill currently being rushed through in Parliament will put in place several safeguards and new laws governing the ownership and use of Clockwork automata in the UK.
One local resident we spoke claims to have seen several of these mechanical humans, doing tasks in the Backstreet Area around Angel. He said "they seem alright, but the ticking sound can be off-putting.
This news comes at a time of high tension around the country as people struggle with the dusk till dawn curfew introduced by the authorities in a bid to curtail the spread of public unrest.
Several Bishops in the House of Lords have tabled a motion to find out how the device was either built or smuggled into the country, and if there's a record of how many actually exist.
With the change of season upon us, many hope that rising temperatures will lead to a reduction in fog, and raise public spirits as we get close to British Summer Time.
Indeed we live in truly interesting times: in a hitherto inconceivable intellectual coup we, former competitors, have rallied to clear the skies. Between our organisations we have simplified respirator manufacture, perfected exhaust filter technology and made promising progress in finding suitable replacements for "dirty fuels".
The Royal Society today reported that their own neutralisation and weather experiments have been yielding encouraging results and I have been permitted to share with you respected Sirs that a means of collecting The Fog itself is also in development. Interesting indeed that so much has been achieved, in such little time, funded by our own pockets and how little has made its way in to the public consciousness.
The Gazette, for example, prefers to court the sensationalist image of " Ranbir, The Saviour from Across the Atlantic". Forgive my sceptisim, his scientists have always been gifted, brilliant even, but this recent exercise of a surprise broadcast concerning an "air purification device" smacks of the Clockwork Pariah attempting to scrape back some public opinion before letting loose his automata in homes across the significantly less polluted Canadian nation.
Let us not forget that Mr Ranbir's so-called exile was more or less self imposed, possibly even at the suggestion of an embarrassed Lady Pilbeam Frobisher. It was as much an act of arrogance as it was one of survival.
He refused to subject himself to the scrutiny and questions posed not just by the workers whose livelihoods he possibly posed a threat to but also his peers; questions that he has yet to answer and, most likely, have yet to face from his Canadian benefactors.
I have witnessed the "lawlessness" in the capital: I was aboard the Princess Ann as it was marauded during its docking procedure; and since my arrival I have witnessed the staggering lack of provision or care for the people that populated our mils, factories, refineries and mines.
Yes I have seen what a man will turn his hand to in acts of desperation. We have all read the countless stories concerning rioting and looting carried out by, in real terms, a small fraction of our society. The Government and associated press revel in providing these tales as adequate motivation to impinge on their freedoms and our profits.
The truth is that the working men and women of this city are heroes. Poor, abandoned and honest these otherwise law abiding citizens clean up their streets and patrol after dark, keeping order in districts where the police now fear to tread. I have heard whispers of underground hospices staffed by off duty volunteer nurses caring for the elderly and sick who would otherwise be left to perish.
It was clear to me, on the occasions that I visited the East End after curfew, that the streets were brimming with life from
all quarters and businesses were more active that they had been in years.
Technically by flouting curfew the law is being broken but these communities are protecting each other from The Fog and challenging their boroughs' criminal elements. They are simply acting where the police will not and for that they are to be applauded, respected and encouraged. It is this resolve, this ingenuity and depth of character that cannot be replaced nor aped by automata. Such men and women are of value not only to their communities and country but also to industry and deserve adequate representation and protection.
We are coming to the end of an age where as leaders we can crack the whip and use fear as currency. There are only so many times a master can kick his dog before being mauled himself; the obstreperous Mr Ludd and his cronies may attest to that. When we at last drag this nation clear of the fog, the generally inactive government and notably silent and absent Crown will demand we set the wheels of industry spinning apace overnight. What use are the broken of body and spirit? What use are the curs, ready to turn? We will need the survivors, the lawbreakers and the protectors. We will need Heroes. We cannot abandon them now.
On behalf of Caledonian Bronze and Steam